"Teka-teki Lucu"
Nabi apa yang kembar?
Na… biji elo!
Kenapa anak kodok sukanya loncat-loncat?
Namanya juga anak-anak, suka iseng loncat-loncat
70 hal apa saja yang disenangi wanita?
1 belanja, yang lainnya… 69
Kenapa ayam kalo berkokok matanya merem?
Udah hafal teks-nya
Majalah apa yang paling mahal?
Bobo ama Gadis
Apa perbedaan antara apel dan upil?
Kalau apel di taruh di atas meja, kalau upil dioles di bawah meja
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Satu pasangan muda sangat bersuka cita demi mengetahui sang isteri hamil muda.
Namun sebelum mendapat kepastian dari dokter, mereka sepakat untuk merahasiakan kehamilan tersebut.
Isteri: “Pa, nggak usah diomongin dulu ya…takut gagal, ‘kan nggak enak kalau sudah di-omong2in”
Suami: “Oke deh ma, janji nggak bakalan diomongin sebelum ada konfirmasi dokter”
Tiba2 datang karyawan PLN ke rumah mereka untuk menyerahkan tagihan dan denda atas tunggakan rekening listrik mereka bulan yang lalu.
Tukang Rekening PLN: “Nyonya terlambat 1 bulan.”
Isteri: “Bapak tahu dari mana…? Papa… Tolong nih bicara sama orang PLN ini…”
Suami: “Eh, sembarangan… bagaimana anda bisa tahu masalah ini?”
Tukang Rekening PLN: “Semua tercatat di kantor kami Pak.”
Suami: “Oke, besok saja saya ke kantor Bapak untuk menyelesaikan masalah ini!”
Keesokan harinya…
Suami: “Bagaimana PLN tahu rahasia keluarga saya?”
Karyawan PLN: “Ya tahu dong, lha wong ada catatannya pada kami!”
Suami: “Jadi saya mesti bagaimana agar berita ini dirahasiakan, Pak?”
Karyawan PLN: “Ya mesti bayar dong Pak!”
Suami (sialan gue diperes nih!) : “Kalau saya tidak mau bayar,bagaimana?”
Karyawan PLN: “Ya punya Bapak terpaksa kami putus…”
Suami: “Maknya di kupyak…? Lha, kalo diputus…nanti isteri saya bagaimana…?”
Karyawan PLN: “Kan masih bisa pakai lilin.”
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6 Jenis KB
1. Kalau 5 tahun kawin, langsung punya 4 anak, itu
berarti KB = KUMPUL BOCAH.
2. Kalau 5 tahun kawin, anak cuma satu, itu
berarti KB = KURANG BERGAIRAH.
3. Kalau sudah 5 tahun kawin, belum punya anak, itu
berarti, KB = KURANG BISA.
4. Kalau 5 tahun pacaran belum juga kawin, itu
berarti, KB = KAGAK BERANI.
5. Kalo kagak pacaran tapi punya anak, itu
berarti KB = Ketelanjuran Bunting
6. Kalo kagak punya pacar dan anak, itu
berarti KB = Kayaknya Bencong deh
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Pada suatu hari 3 orang vampir lagi unjuk taring atas kehebatannya masing-masing dalam hal menghisap darah dan membunuh mangsa.
“kebetulan nih malem dingin banget, gue jadi laper neh” celetuk vampir pertama.
“gimana kalo kita adu kekuatan, sapa yang paling cepet ngisep darah” tanya vampir kedua..
“okeh…!!!”
“gue duluan” kata vampir pertama…
lalu…whuuusssss…vampir pertama melesat..gak lama, selang lima menit dia kembali lagi dengan muka penuh darah dan sambil berkata..”lo liat gak kota dibawah sono??”
“iya liat” kata vampir dua & tiga
“semua penduduknya udah pada tewas, gue isep darahnya”
aahh, belom seberapa, neh liat gue..dan vampir kedua pun melesat tajam..selang tiga menit, diapun kembali dengan wajah belepotan darah, sambil berkata…
“lo liat kampung dibawah sana?? semua penduduknya dah pada tewas gue isep darahnya!!”
“aahh kecil, neh liat gue!!” vampir ketiga pun terbang melesat tajam… dan gak sampe satu menit dia udah kembali dengan darah diseluruh muka… dan dia berkata “lo liat tiang listrik dibawah sono??”
“iya..iya liat…”
“sialaaan..gue kagak liat!!@#$%^&”
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3 orang professor masing2 dari AS,Jerman dan Indonesia mengadakan conferensi teknologi di Bali,masing2 mereka menceritakan hasil penelitian terbaru mereka :
AS : Di negara saya Pesawat terbang udah dapat mencapai ketinggian sama dengan matahari
Jer & INDO : AH…Masaa..???
AS : Hee..hee di bawah-bawah itu sedikit..
Jer & Indo : OOOO…..Gitu..mmmmm
Jerman : Dinegara saya mobil udah bisa lari dengan kecapatan 100 Km/Mnt
AS & Indo : Hahh..masa’ ..iya..?????
Jerman : Hee..di bawah- bawah itu sedikit..
As & Indo : OOO..hmmmm..Iya..ya.
Indonesia : Di indonesia seorang wanita dapat melahirkan dari Lobang pusarnya…
AS & Jer : Hahh..Gile..yang Benar..!!!
Indonesia : emmm..di bawah – bawah itu sedikit…
Senin, 26 November 2012
Kamis, 15 November 2012
Procedure Text ( B.Inggris )
How to make use instagram app on android phone :
Step 1 : Install
instagram app via Google Play (Android Market).
Step 2 : Open Instagram app.
Step 3 : Click images to choose or take a picture / photo to be edited using the instagram app.
Step 4 : Choose the picture you want to edit.
Step 5 : Crop and set position the image or photo you want to edit
Step 6 : Select the effect and frame
Step 7 : Press the top right button to proceed
Step 8 : Input details and caption pictures / photos
Step 9 : Upload
Step 10 : And Finish
Step 2 : Open Instagram app.
Step 3 : Click images to choose or take a picture / photo to be edited using the instagram app.
Step 4 : Choose the picture you want to edit.
Step 5 : Crop and set position the image or photo you want to edit
Step 6 : Select the effect and frame
Step 7 : Press the top right button to proceed
Step 8 : Input details and caption pictures / photos
Step 9 : Upload
Step 10 : And Finish
How to make a shutdown shortcut in Windows 7 to be faster :
Step 1 : Click right
on the desktop
Step 2 : Select New-Shortcut
Step 3 : Enter the following command: shutdown.exe-s-t 00-f
Step 4 : Next – Finish
Step 2 : Select New-Shortcut
Step 3 : Enter the following command: shutdown.exe-s-t 00-f
Step 4 : Next – Finish
Description above command
Ø
-s is the command to shutdown
Ø
-t 00 is a timer that is set to be 00 or without
a time delay
Ø
-f is option
How to make a live usb Windows 7
Step 1 : Plug in the
USB to be create live USB.
Step 2 : Run Software A Bootable USB.
Step 3 : Click the Check USB, It will automatic detect the flash disk stuck in your Computer. Make sure the USB option to be a Live USB.
Step 4 : Click the “Open Iso” and select the iso file that you have prepared.
Step 5 : last, click “start iso”. Wait until the completion and successful
Step 2 : Run Software A Bootable USB.
Step 3 : Click the Check USB, It will automatic detect the flash disk stuck in your Computer. Make sure the USB option to be a Live USB.
Step 4 : Click the “Open Iso” and select the iso file that you have prepared.
Step 5 : last, click “start iso”. Wait until the completion and successful
How to make Step by step repair flash disk write protected
Step 1 : Download
application V.2.9.1.1 Repair
Step 2 : Plug the flash disk is write protected on your computer.
Step 3 : Just run the program without the need to install V.29 Repair. (At this stage it will be detected if the flash disk is write protected can be fixed, if it is not detected on this V.29 Repair tool. Sorry you can not continue this way)
Step 4 : Once detected disk format please
Step 5 : Wait a While until the finish and finished
Step 2 : Plug the flash disk is write protected on your computer.
Step 3 : Just run the program without the need to install V.29 Repair. (At this stage it will be detected if the flash disk is write protected can be fixed, if it is not detected on this V.29 Repair tool. Sorry you can not continue this way)
Step 4 : Once detected disk format please
Step 5 : Wait a While until the finish and finished
How to Use Application WinBox in Windows XP
Step 1 : Run VMWare
Workstation 8.
Step 2 : Run Windows XP on the VM ware
Step 3 : Run Operating system also mikrotik
Step 4 : If two OS had been executed, the next step is setting the IP to local network.
Step 5 : IP 10.10.10.10 is the IP gateway for the local network
Step 6 : Setting IP in Windows XP (guest) class with local IP mikrotik.
Step 7 : After Setting all the IP, the next step Open the application WinBox.
Step 8 : Type the gateway IP local network "10.10.10.10". To login into mikrotik input username “admin” and password. This is the default username and password from mikrotik.
Step 9 : Winbox has been successfully executed. Wait for the next article on “Configuration Using Mikrotik Winbox”.
Step 10 : GOOD LUCK J !!!
Step 2 : Run Windows XP on the VM ware
Step 3 : Run Operating system also mikrotik
Step 4 : If two OS had been executed, the next step is setting the IP to local network.
Step 5 : IP 10.10.10.10 is the IP gateway for the local network
Step 6 : Setting IP in Windows XP (guest) class with local IP mikrotik.
Step 7 : After Setting all the IP, the next step Open the application WinBox.
Step 8 : Type the gateway IP local network "10.10.10.10". To login into mikrotik input username “admin” and password. This is the default username and password from mikrotik.
Step 9 : Winbox has been successfully executed. Wait for the next article on “Configuration Using Mikrotik Winbox”.
Step 10 : GOOD LUCK J !!!
How to clean a scratch CD / DVD with toothpaste
Step 1 : Prepare the
CD / DVD surface is scratched either a little or a lot
Step 2 : Prepare fabric, cotton or soft tissue
Step 3 : Take toothpaste, rub the cloth and wipe the surface of the CD / DVD.
Step 4 : Rub gently over and over again until it looks scratch disappear or begin to disappear.
Step 5 : When finished, wash with water and then stay on test.
Step 2 : Prepare fabric, cotton or soft tissue
Step 3 : Take toothpaste, rub the cloth and wipe the surface of the CD / DVD.
Step 4 : Rub gently over and over again until it looks scratch disappear or begin to disappear.
Step 5 : When finished, wash with water and then stay on test.
How to install antivirus
Step 1 : Search the
file “Avira_antivir_personal_en.exe” and then click to install 2X timeout
appears click Next.
Step 2 : Click to give check that we agree with the rules created, and click Next
Step 3 : Click/Check that we received a free antivirus for personal use onlu and may not be used for commercial or business purposes, then click Next
Step 4 : Select the Express, as the Custom option is only intended for those who are proficient in installing Avira, and than click Next
Step 5 : Click on the 2 boxes are available to remove the check mark in order to avoid registration email request to the Avira website, and then click Next.
Step 6 : Finish Last Step (uncheck "Show readme.txt" and click on finish and restart your computer.
Step 2 : Click to give check that we agree with the rules created, and click Next
Step 3 : Click/Check that we received a free antivirus for personal use onlu and may not be used for commercial or business purposes, then click Next
Step 4 : Select the Express, as the Custom option is only intended for those who are proficient in installing Avira, and than click Next
Step 5 : Click on the 2 boxes are available to remove the check mark in order to avoid registration email request to the Avira website, and then click Next.
Step 6 : Finish Last Step (uncheck "Show readme.txt" and click on finish and restart your computer.
How to install “ Microsoft Office 2003”
Step 1 : First input
CD installer of Microsoft Office 2003 is already available, see the image below
for more details.
Step 2 : After you input the CD installer then it will otomais munculgambaran like the picture below.
Step 3 : Next click Run Setup.exe.
Step 4 : To pursue clicks office 2003 installation that has been circled with a red stripe.
Step 5 : Well in the "Product Key" dimintak to fill your serial number is usually located on the cover cd office 2003, click next to continue.
Step 6 : Now you are asked to fill in your user name, Initials, and the organization, for the user name you
Step 7 : Next you are asked to agree to the License Agreement, in order to continue the installation mark hitman on I accept the terms in the License Agreement, then click Next to continue
Step 8 : Select a location to install the program on Local disk C:
Step 9 : The next step click install to continue the installation.
Step 10 : Now wait until the installation process is complete,
Step 11 : Install finished.
Step 2 : After you input the CD installer then it will otomais munculgambaran like the picture below.
Step 3 : Next click Run Setup.exe.
Step 4 : To pursue clicks office 2003 installation that has been circled with a red stripe.
Step 5 : Well in the "Product Key" dimintak to fill your serial number is usually located on the cover cd office 2003, click next to continue.
Step 6 : Now you are asked to fill in your user name, Initials, and the organization, for the user name you
Step 7 : Next you are asked to agree to the License Agreement, in order to continue the installation mark hitman on I accept the terms in the License Agreement, then click Next to continue
Step 8 : Select a location to install the program on Local disk C:
Step 9 : The next step click install to continue the installation.
Step 10 : Now wait until the installation process is complete,
Step 11 : Install finished.
How to install Adobe Photoshop CS3
Step 1 : First, open the file Adobe photoshop CS3. Then, select the setup
application to install Adobe Photosho CS3 .
Step 2 : Wait a moment.
Step 3 : Set the language you are using, and select accept
Step 4 : Selecet the installation location you want, then select next After that, select install.
Step 5 : Wait for the installation on process is complete
Step 6 : After installation is complete, select Finish.
Step 2 : Wait a moment.
Step 3 : Set the language you are using, and select accept
Step 4 : Selecet the installation location you want, then select next After that, select install.
Step 5 : Wait for the installation on process is complete
Step 6 : After installation is complete, select Finish.
How to make a change the ISO file
into a CD using ultra ISO application
Step 1 : First at the beginning of the application of ultra iso file and
click Open.
Step 2 : After Click open, select the iso file that will be the change in the form of cd, click open.
Step 3 : Next blog all the data, right click and select extract to. Select where you want the data to save, click ok.
Step 4 : Wait until the copying process is completed, if completed, close the application and open the ultra iso nero applications.
Step 5 : Next at the nero application, select the data cd, and next click add
Step 6 : And select the data in the copy using ultra iso earlier application, and blogs all, and click add
Step 7 : After that click next
Step 8 : On the next screen for the disc name if necessary, and make a number of pieces that will be copied to the coloum number of copies, click burn
Step 9 : After click burn, it will come out a request to insert a black cd.
Step 10 : Wait until the copy process is complete
Step 11 : Process copy is complete.
Step 2 : After Click open, select the iso file that will be the change in the form of cd, click open.
Step 3 : Next blog all the data, right click and select extract to. Select where you want the data to save, click ok.
Step 4 : Wait until the copying process is completed, if completed, close the application and open the ultra iso nero applications.
Step 5 : Next at the nero application, select the data cd, and next click add
Step 6 : And select the data in the copy using ultra iso earlier application, and blogs all, and click add
Step 7 : After that click next
Step 8 : On the next screen for the disc name if necessary, and make a number of pieces that will be copied to the coloum number of copies, click burn
Step 9 : After click burn, it will come out a request to insert a black cd.
Step 10 : Wait until the copy process is complete
Step 11 : Process copy is complete.
How to install winamp
Step 1 : Open Winamp
setup, then click next
Step 2 : Select I Agree, to agree that this application will install to your computer
Step 3 : Select the next, and make sure the Winamp File System installed to C
Step 4 : Select next again
Step 5 : Select next, if you want laying sortcut of existing winamp desktop display, you simply tick “create desktop icon”
Step 6 : After all already in the set, click next to begin installation
Step 7 : wait for the process to finish
Step 8 : Select finish and select next again
Step 9 : No choice, what can the winamp in open d. if you want use it all, check everythinh.. and next
Step 10 : And then click Finish… Winamp ready yo use.
Step 2 : Select I Agree, to agree that this application will install to your computer
Step 3 : Select the next, and make sure the Winamp File System installed to C
Step 4 : Select next again
Step 5 : Select next, if you want laying sortcut of existing winamp desktop display, you simply tick “create desktop icon”
Step 6 : After all already in the set, click next to begin installation
Step 7 : wait for the process to finish
Step 8 : Select finish and select next again
Step 9 : No choice, what can the winamp in open d. if you want use it all, check everythinh.. and next
Step 10 : And then click Finish… Winamp ready yo use.
How to install power DvD
Step 1 : Open the
folder that contains the files to install Power dvd7 that, through it Choose to
do the Installation Setup
Step 2 : Then will come out look like the following and click Next.
Step 3 : Then click Yes to continue the installation process
Step 4 : Then click next
Step 5 : Then select Accessories, then click next
Step 6 : Wait for it to finish loading
Step 7 : Once loading is complete will appear like the picture below, and then click Finish
Step 8 : After clicking Finish, it will appear like the picture below, then fill in the CD-key, then click Activate penginsatal process is complete.
Step 2 : Then will come out look like the following and click Next.
Step 3 : Then click Yes to continue the installation process
Step 4 : Then click next
Step 5 : Then select Accessories, then click next
Step 6 : Wait for it to finish loading
Step 7 : Once loading is complete will appear like the picture below, and then click Finish
Step 8 : After clicking Finish, it will appear like the picture below, then fill in the CD-key, then click Activate penginsatal process is complete.
How to install Nero
Step 1 : First, open
the folder that contains the file Installer Nero, Then, select the Nero-micro
7.11.10.0_english
Step 2 : If the existing view, select Next.
Step 3 : Then fill in Name with your name.
Step 4 : After that select I accept to continue, and then click next.
Step 5 : Then select Next.
Step 6 : Select Next to continue, and then next again.
Step 7 : Click Next, and then click install to begin installing
Step 8 : Wait until the loading is complete
Step 9 : When your finished, click finish. Select the Nero Express which is on the desktop or in the file
Step 10 : Choose Entering this serial number. If it comes out like this look, select a picture or lincense key.
Step 11 : Then click Add and enter his key, then click Add again
Step 12 : After that, select the nero 7 Essentials, and then click OK. And Nero 7.11.1 installation was completed.
Step 2 : If the existing view, select Next.
Step 3 : Then fill in Name with your name.
Step 4 : After that select I accept to continue, and then click next.
Step 5 : Then select Next.
Step 6 : Select Next to continue, and then next again.
Step 7 : Click Next, and then click install to begin installing
Step 8 : Wait until the loading is complete
Step 9 : When your finished, click finish. Select the Nero Express which is on the desktop or in the file
Step 10 : Choose Entering this serial number. If it comes out like this look, select a picture or lincense key.
Step 11 : Then click Add and enter his key, then click Add again
Step 12 : After that, select the nero 7 Essentials, and then click OK. And Nero 7.11.1 installation was completed.
How to install Coreldraw
Step 1 : First, open
the existing file folder to install Coreldraw
Step 2 : Then, Select CorelDRAWGraphicsSuiteX4Installer_EN (Intallernya)
Step 3 : Then, wait for a while until the process is complete
Step 4 : After that, fill in User Name
Step 5 : Then select I accept and select next to continue.
Step 6 : click Install Now.
Step 7 : Wait until the loading is complete (full)
Step 8 : click Finish, and install finished
Step 2 : Then, Select CorelDRAWGraphicsSuiteX4Installer_EN (Intallernya)
Step 3 : Then, wait for a while until the process is complete
Step 4 : After that, fill in User Name
Step 5 : Then select I accept and select next to continue.
Step 6 : click Install Now.
Step 7 : Wait until the loading is complete (full)
Step 8 : click Finish, and install finished
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